The comic talk: Jungle Hegemony

Performers: the lion king, the lion A & B , and small animal A,B & C

The lion A: Your Majesty! Follow your instruction, the tiger A has been sentenced in hibernation for life by our court!

The lion king: Good ! But how about the other tigers?

The lion A: In accordance with your schedule, they will be caught one by one, big or small! Waiting for your orders.

The lion king: Good work, lion A! Remember, this is not my personal decision but that of the entire Animal Bureau.

The lion B: Great wisdom, my Master! I have already arranged that "The Animal Daily", "The New Animals" and "The Forest Newspaper" to publish an special editorial, Both tigers and flies will be swatted altogether, in their front page, and guide the small animals' opinion to focus on against the Eating Alone.

The lion king: lion B's political consciousness is quite strong. After all the tiger`s territory were confiscated, I will distribute it within our lion group. At least some lands for you, and lion A will have some lands too. I will reward the other lions as well according to their contribution.

The lion B: Thank you so much my Master! I will resolutely follow you, never betray the lion king!

Small animal A: The decision of whole Animal Bureau is really good idea! Which shows the determination of the Animal Bureau against the Eating Alone. This is a justice for the small animals, we will enjoy the anti Eating Alone campaign, The lion king is greatly!

Small animal B: Yes, a few years ago, all we small animals can only eat radish and vegetarian soup, in the same time, the tigers were eating alone and requested everyone to sing meat`s song, I felt uncomfortable, this was an old way in the Ice Age! I strongly support the decision of the new Animal Bureau under the rule of the lion king.

Small animal C: Is what the newspapers said true? The mortgage loan of my first flat hasn‘t been paid off, and recently we all are facing increated taxes. All that I can do is go back to see my little farm, someone used to stealing my vegetables. See you later.

Small animal B: Yes, I have to go back home to cook radish for making vegetarian soup too.

相声小段—网络保护神

表演者：著名杀毒软件“一年放假五天”、“群众”

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A打开新闻主页一次，浏览信息27条，未涉及敏感信息，未使用评论功能

“群众”：这些新闻纯粹不靠谱，我要看电影……

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A<打开影视主页一次，所看电影未列入敏感范围

“群众”：电影马马虎虎吧，对了，我要看看邮件……

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A打开电邮一次，用户名和密码是%￥&*&%，接收邮件新邮件4封，回复2封，使用敏感词3个共14次，分别是“民煮”“房事暴跌”“砖制”，文章未达到风险防范级别，只计次未取证备份

“群众”：邮件回复完了，我要去掏包逛逛

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A打开某网购主页一次，用户名和密码是%￥&*&%，搜索某产品16次，收藏2件，实拍1件，不属于敏感物品，价格XX元，支付宝用户名和密码是%￥&*&%

“群众”：网购真开心，哇咔咔，我要去论坛逛逛

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A打开某动物看人论坛一次，用户名和密码是%￥&*&%，浏览新闻28贴，其中敏感贴19贴，回复2贴，使用敏感词4个共15次，分别是“民煮”“房事暴跌”“砖制”“维权”，文章已达到风险防范5级，活动内容已经取证备份

“群众”：评论的真过瘾啊！好吧，洗洗睡了……

“五天”：报告服务器:群众A与在0：46时关闭了五天浏览器，本次使用时间3小时52分。使用期间，五天傻毒软件牧马程序按规定快速扫描了群众A的电脑硬盘，分别发现涉及敏感词的文件46个，内容已经取证备份，本次网络保护结束

❷⓿❶❹

相声小段—俺去美国做雷锋

表演者：“标哥”“领导”“群众”

“标哥”：领导您好，俺有个计划，去给美帝抹黑！

“领导”：就你 ? 你除了会玩钱还会什么？

“群众”：他还会玩人!

“标哥”：领导，俺要去纽约闹一闹，扮演活雷锋，请流浪汉吃饭还发美金，让奥巴马难看难看!

“领导”：嗯---让全世界都知道美国人民生活在水深火热之中，还得我们去拯救！这个主意大大地好，哟西!

“群众”：这不是玩人吗？国内那么多赤贫人口，还跑去美国作秀!

“标哥”：有些外国朋友，就是不够意思，来中国干什么不好，又是去山区教学，又是给穷人发食品，这成年累月的，民政部门多害臊啊，不行，咱得回敬他一炮。

“领导”：嗯---我看行。这件事一定要办好!回来我写个条，让银行多给你两亿贷款。

“标哥”：谢谢领导，等贷款到账我给您在瑞士的账户先打个一千万。

“领导”：小标这个同志不错啊。这样吧，我打个电话，安排媒体重点跟踪宣传报道你。

“标哥”：领导英明，俺这就去办。

“群众”：这哪是去当雷锋啊，纯粹是发羊癫疯!